Phantom Itch

Things I have wondered in the past 48 hours:

-- Where is the flush button on the top of the toilet?
--Why do I turn on the hot tap, or the cold tap, but not both at the same time?
--Why do I feel nervous whilst sitting in the front passenger seat of an American car?
--Why do I drift left as I drive on empty roads with no other traffic to guide me?
--Near lane, or far lane?
--Why is it so quiet at meals? What day is "fruit crumble day" here?
--Where is the library, and why do I have to get in a car to get there?
--Where is the light switch, and which way to I flip it?
--Where is the switch thingy on the outlet plates?
--What am I going to do with old bread crusts?
--Why are 2-litre soda pop bottles so fat?
--Where on the bandwidth is Classical FM?
--What do I need with all these extra clothes? What should I wear today?
--Will the fire alarm go off tonight?

I think I'll have a latte, Richard. No, wait...that was in a parallel universe.

And do I really want the phantom itch to go away...